Now I know the title may sound a little morbid. Regret isn’t something people often talk a lot about. That may be because there is somewhat of a guilt that comes hand in hand with saying you regret something. For example, if someone were to say they regret marrying their first husband, then they may feel guilty because if they wouldn’t have, then they wouldn’t have their children.
So with that being said, I’m not saying that I wish my life were any different. I believe God has a plan for me and that everything is exactly how it should be. But I also can’t truthfully say that I don’t have any regrets. Now it may seem small to you, but I do believe my biggest regret goes more in-depth than you would initially think.
I come from a very talented family. My mother and her sisters were on the road performing at a very young age. My mom always loved what she did and is actually still pursuing that dream today. But, because of the way she grew up she didn’t want to throw me right into the same experience. She wanted it to be a decision I made on my own, and if performing were indeed something I wanted to do, then she would 100% support that. I ultimately see where she was coming from and respect that decision. I probably would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes. However, I kind of resented the fact that I wasn’t thrown into music as a child. Growing up I’d always have people ask how many instruments I could play. I was embarrassed to say none. I felt like I was in some way letting everyone down. Of course, in reality, I wasn’t.
When I was 4 years old, my Mom put me into dance class. I remember always being front and center on stage and being the go-to student when the teacher needed a demonstration. This would all come to an end 6 years later when the cool girls in school talked me into quitting dance for cheerleading. My mom, dance teachers, and family tried to talk me out of this, but I had made my decision.
I can’t believe I could so easily quit something that was such a big part of my life. It wasn’t just another something that I was good at. I was actually great at dance. This is my biggest regret. I know you are probably thinking of how silly and small this may seem, but I can tell you now while I type this with tear filled eyes that it hasn’t been taken lightly. I don’t believe that the only outcome of this is just that I’m not some professional dancer. I think this has indeed shaped the way that I view life. I have since then only felt like I’m the jack of all trades, good at everything but just not great.
I even tried to go back to dance 3 years after quitting but gave up after my first class because I was embarrassed that I was no longer the best. I was afraid of what people would think.
So now here I am thinking that if I would have just gotten over my fear I could’ve been back in dance for 9 years now. Most likely forgetting that I even took a 3-year break. It was just this year that I noticed that I’ve made this a pattern in my life.
Starting this blog has been on my mind and my heart for a while now. I just kept thinking about all of the girls that I know that blog. They’ve all been doing this for 4+ years so there’s no reason to start because I’ll never catch up. But I have got to break this pattern. I’ve got to stop comparing myself to other people. 4 years from now I don’t want to be wondering where I would be if I just would’ve gone for it and not been so afraid. This is something I want to do, and I know I will be great at it.
I guess the whole point of writing all of this is just to let you know that there is no reason to be embarrassed. Who the heck cares!? Those girls in my dance class would have never even thought twice about me coming back to dance. So please, go for it. It’s never too late. Start those guitar lessons, a blog, a photography business. Whatever it is! I don’t want you ever to have to think, what if.